The Food Fight
by look2thesky7
Summary: Severus and Hermione try their hand at cooking Muggle-style. Chaos ensues. And what exactly has Minerva just walked in on? A response to the 'master chef' challenge on the GS100 LJ community.


Hermione and Severus stood next to each other in the Headmistress' office, while Minerva McGonagall glared at them over her spectacles.

Bits of egg and tomato clung to Hermione's curls, while Severus' jet-black hair was dusted with baking flour. Something looking suspiciously like chocolate ran down the front of Severus' frock coat, which had become unbuttoned, hanging off at the level of his chest.

Hermione tried to stifle giggles; Severus was doing an infinitely better job at hiding his amusement. A subtle, warning elbow hit her in the upper arm and she quickly re-schooled her expression, hoping it was remorseful.

Minerva laid both hands on her desk, leaning forward on them for support. She took in both of their appearances, noting how Hermione could not control her laughter. She also noted that she could not deny that she had never seen him this openly disheveled, and it was somewhat amusing.

"Now, would someone like to tell me what this is all about?"

She gave them both a piercing glare, waiting. Hermione's glance shifted to Severus and was pleased to see that one corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a poorly concealed smirk.

One of them would have to explain.

_Hermione stood before a long table in the kitchens, an assortment of foods around her, working on the desert for the meal she and Severus were preparing. _

_Through many pleas on Hermione's part, Severus had finally—grudgingly—agreed to prepare a meal the Muggle way with her, and he was in charge of the fried green tomatoes. Severus was at the table behind her, their backs to one another as they cooked. _

_As she worked, the incessant sizzling in the frying pan behind her quieted, Severus suddenly appearing at her side, very close, holding out a round, golden brown tomato. _

"_How are they?" He sounded unsure. She smirked; she would appease him and taste it, even though she was sure they would be more than satisfactory. After all, she had told him they weren't difficult to make._

_He waited as she chewed on it carefully, nodding while continuing to stir the chocolate batter before her. _

"_They're…" she chewed some more before swallowing it, another grin breaking out on her face, about to play with him a bit. "They're terrible," she laughed. Severus scowled and then raised an eyebrow and shrugged, turning and walking the few steps back to his table. _

_In truth, it hadn't been that bad. Hermione's smile didn't leave her lips as she continued to stir with one hand and finish the tomato with the other. _

"_Well, I'm so glad you're not shy about it," he growled from behind her with irritation. "Make sure you let me know how you feel." _

"_I will." She continued to munch on it. _

_Moments of silence continued to pass before she heard him walking up behind her again. Thinking he was coming over with a new product to taste-test, she grinned, turning just in time to receive a face-full of pumpkin juice. _

_Mouth wide open in surprise, she looked at Severus who stood mere feet away, arms folded, a cup resting in his left hand, expression smug._

"_What in the world was that for?" She exclaimed, pumpkin juice dripping down her nose and cheeks. To her annoyance, Severus merely shrugged and turned away, although Hermione could have sworn she saw the hint of a devilish grin playing about his lips. _

'_Why that little...' she thought, turning back to her table. Looking down at the contents upon it, she thought for a moment before glancing back at Severus who had continued to cook._

_Without second thought, she picked up a large, white egg, went up behind him, and palmed it against his neck. _

_His back tensed at the breaking shell, its oozing contents running down his black frock coat. Slowly, he turned, the expression on his face an almost-glare. _

_Hermione raised her eyebrows with a faked innocent smile before mimicking him and going back to her own table without a single word. _

_Suddenly, something large, round, wet, and sticky hit the back of her head. Tomato. She gasped as it slid down and off of her back, hitting the floor with a thud. _

'_Fine,' she thought. 'Want to play games, Severus?' _

_What she hoped was discretely, Hermione reached slowly for a great big handful of flour, planning her next attack. _

_She turned quickly as she heard him come up from behind once more, but it was too late. Her only defense as a handful of berries were mashed into her face was to throw the flour at the attacker. _

"_Severus!" She tried to sound upset, but she couldn't help but start to laugh. She was already smiling, after all. Before she knew what was happening, a handful of flour hit her this time. _

_Laughing aloud, she reached behind her for something else, anything else to retaliate with and threw it at him. _

_When a large amount of chocolate frosting was plastered on her face, she stumbled into him. Both laughing, they had each others' arms for support and fell to the ground. _

_But it wasn't over. Both laughing and messy, they continued to grab whatever they could from the tables above their head, throwing it at one another, acting like school children. _

_Looking terrified, the house elves backed against the walls of the kitchen, watching as the two engaged in their food fight. _

"_WHAT is the meaning of this?" _

_Severus' face was immediately passive, devoid of emotion as the Headmistress burst into the kitchen, glaring daggers at her two colleagues rolling on the floor, covered in food, laughing like teenagers. _

_Hermione, on the other hand, continued to giggle silently, tears falling from her eyes._

_Minerva stared at them incredulously for a moment before snapping again. "What in the name of Merlin are the two of you doing?"_

_Hermione and Severus glanced at one another before uncharacteristically (well, at least for him) burst out laughing once more, only serving to irk the Headmistress more._

"...And that is about the gist of it, Minerva," Severus said in a forcibly mundane-sounding voice.

When Minerva finally spoke, it was more evenly than it had been before, with more control. "You're telling me," she said, her voice low, "that all of this foolishness was caused over Hermione not liking the taste of your cooking, Severus?"

Hermione let out an undignified snort and Severus rolled his eyes at her inability to remain schooled.

"Well," Minerva said, shaking her head once more at the pair, "perhaps you should leave the cooking endeavors to the house elves from now on, hmm?"

* * *

AN: I didn't put the 100-word breaks in because I think it looks better like this, but it was originally written as a drabble series. Hope you like it :) Let me know what you think!


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